This will undoubtedly get me into trouble with women the world over but ladies, it’s got to be said so don’t shoot the messenger. The reason I’m best qualified to deliver the news is because I work in a male dominated industry and when you spend as much time as I do with car mad testosterone charged blokes you tend to pick up a few interesting tidbits. For instance, there are things men wish us gals knew but which they don’t have the bravery to tell us, such as the fact that men really do love their cars more than they love women. If I’ve managed to grab your attention then get comfy read on. Men love cars more than they love women because……
- Cars have basic needs
Men find it much simpler to fulfil the needs of a car than those of a woman. After all, a car needs oil, water, fuel and the occasional date with a mechanic something that even the most clueless of guys is able to achieve. On the other hand, women are much more complex and don’t come standard with an owner’s manual so it’s hardly surprising that a guy would opt to attend to the flashing oil light on the dashboard than try to read between the lines of a woman who chirps “Nothing!” when he asks her if something is the matter.
- Cars can have the same tyres and still park next to each another
Imagine if a car got into a huff and made an about turn each time another car had the exact same tyre brand and size fitted to it? Suffice it to say there would either be a lot of accidents or many more tyre options than they currently are! Plenty of men can attest to how an almost perfect outing was irrevocable marred by the sight of another woman wearing the same outfit as that of his lady, (and if the “offending” woman looked better in said outfit …*cue scary music*)
- Cars communicate. Clearly.
Need I say more; but allow me to elaborate. When a car has a need it simply communicates by either failing to start, failing to stop, flashing one or two lights on its dashboard or making a strange sound. Flip the coin and admit it ladies – sometimes we communicate so incoherently that we confuse ourselves never mind whoever might be listening!
- Cars willingly take men to places where there are other women.
Unlike most women, cars don’t mind taking their guy owners to places frequented by many other women. In fact, cars even accommodate other women within the confines of their interior spaces without giving their guy owner away to his main woman. Most women think men cheat but come on ladies if it weren’t for that “mischievous” car how else would he have found himself in a place with so many other women?!
- Cars don’t get jealous when guys touch other cars lovingly
Similar to a real life situation, before a guy touches a beautiful body he first looks; and looks then looks some more. Oh but when he finally touches it he does so ever so tenderly, longingly and lovingly – caressing ever curve and line along the fine bodywork of the sports car his friend has just bought. Hmmm…I wonder where your mind was just now. Cars don’t mind being stroked and guys who own elegantly sculptured cars don’t mind other guys occasionally massaging their cars. On the other hand this doesn’t work quite in the same way with women. Enough said.
- Cars respond immediately
I’m treading on thin ice here but bear with me ladies. Whether it’s an instruction to turn left or to stop sharply a car will generally do as it’s driver motions it to without hesitation. Even after a car is left overnight in a cold dark garage when the driver fires up the ignition the next morning, unlike some women, it doesn’t pout or drag about, instead it lights up enthusiastically at being turned on.
- Cars don’t get emotional when left alone for long periods of time
As in the point above, not only do cars respond immediately, but even when they have been left alone for days on end without a call or an sms from its guy owner when he eventually does return cars don’t ask where he’s been and which car he was in! They just dutifully fire up their engines and get to work.
- Cars don’t mind waiting in the sun at a stadium
Guys, remember that time your date had to stand in the midday heat waiting for you to pick her up because you were “going round the corner” whilst she went into the mall? Well, unlike her, when you returned to your ride it didn’t spin its rear wheels (read: stomp her foot) then stall (read: scream, splutter and call you some unmentionable names) then refuse to re-start (read: sulk). See, the sun has a different effect on humans in general than it does the roof of your sedan. But we are assured that next time you’ll go into the mall with your sweetie-pie coz the ringing in your ears from the force of her banging the door only just stopped and it would be unhealthy for you to entertain a repeat experience.
9. Cars don’t mind being pampered once a week
What is it with guys who disappear for hours on end to a car wash outlet and spend a fortune on car wash products equivalent to what we do on anti-aging potions? Men (usually with undesirable facial skin texture) who partake in intensive car pampering sessions sincerely believe that their cars attract other women to them; hence they like to spruce up their rides as well as possible. So instead of questioning why he takes so long at a car wash, start asking what he’s trying to achieve by having such a clean car!
- Cars quietly transport a guy’s mother to wherever she needs to go
It’s not that we mind Driving Miss Daisy but similar to the character in the movie your “angelic” mother tsk, tsks each time you are out of ear shot about how thin you’ve become since getting marrying; or looks at us side-ways for buying take-aways for lunch or ponders (out loudly) the merits of our having bought a dish-washer when we “perfectly good hands”. It’s during bonding sessions like these which make us hope autonomous cars would soon be sold in South Africa so that she can go shopping on her own! It is possible that we gals could learn a thing or two, or five about the role cars play in our men’s lives but then again maybe their cars deserve them and we should keep your options open for more meaningful relationships!